We’ve updated our Terms of Use to reflect our new entity name and address. You can review the changes here.
We’ve updated our Terms of Use. You can review the changes here.

Shattering The Silence

by Katie Benoit

/
1.
2.
Rules 03:26
I saw it on the TV. Saw it on my momma's face Reflected in my lonely sister's eyes. I've got the gist. I think I've missed a signpost along the way. I try to act like I fit in, like there's nothing I want to say. CHORUS: Bury this secret inside of me, so deep that no one can ever know my truth. Maybe someday I will be complete. Have to survive these rules. Have to survive these rules. Having conversations, navigating blindly through this maze. I never seem to make any sense. Why do they hit me? (Why do they hurt me?) Why do they call me names? I haven't done a thing to them? Hey! CHORUS: Bury this secret inside of me, so deep that no one can ever know my truth. Maybe someday I will be complete. Have to survive these rules. BRIDGE: Will I ever find any type of peace? (I don't know) I can't find a place in this world (where I belong) I misremember the things I've said; have to wonder where it all went wrong. CHORUS: Bury this secret inside of me, so deep that no one can ever know my truth. Maybe someday I will be complete. I have to survive these rules. Bury this secret inside of me. How the hell can I get back my life? I will never, ever, ever be complete. Don't think I will survive these rules. I won't survive these rules. I never seem to make any sense.
3.
Take Me Away 05:18
Paranoia gets the best of me; I remember the way that you have helped me to see. I'll never be ungrateful to you. It's easy to get lost within the worth of our truth. For all the times that I've wanted so much to die, you've helped me figure out my own mind. The joy that surrounds me when I'm around you, all comes down to the things you do. (Take me away...) CHORUS: Take me away to another place where we can live our lives for ourselves. A place where no one judges us. We exist as we are and know no other realms. All that we want is to be loved just as we are, no conditions. So take me away to another place where we can live our lives for ourselves. We're the misunderstood ones. People think they know better than us what we should be. It's all so ridiculous, how they wound us with their alleged sensibilities. I'm a river so let me cut my own path within the mountains and the hills. I know they want the best for us. Until we stand up, they will never know our wills. (Take me away...) CHORUS Ooooh. Ooooh.
4.
Voices 04:14
CHORUS: It's like the pungent smell of thunder. It's like the salty taste of blood. It's like the screams that go unanswered or the voices in my head. I didn't want to be here. I didn't want to be your toy. You never thought of me for a moment. You only thought of your own joy. The smell of your perfume makes me want to vomit. Your caress feel like snakes down my spine. How the hell could I have been so naive? Now I'm trapped at your home wasting time. You took the only thing you wanted. All I need is to find a way to be left alone. You grab your keys and say "Stop whining." Despite my better judgment, you managed to get me back home. CHORUS We embrace. I see your face hover over me. I touch you in the way you want to be. There's this cosmic sense of twinning. "Am I losing? Am I winning?" I take a look at your sweet face and stammer out, (And I say) "This is just something that I cannot do tonight. I thought that I was over my prior love." What's unsaid is what remains. I can't begin to even explain that I am more like you are than you could possibly know. CHORUS It's like the pungent smell of thunder. It's like the salty taste of blood. It's like the screams that go unanswered. Hey, hey, hey, hey! Why are you doing this to me? Why are you doing this to me? It's like the voices in my head.
5.
CHORUS: Walk through the door. You know that this is what you want. Walk through the portal, now. Although you're scared and the demons haunt you. You know this is all you've ever wanted. This is not a dream. This is your honest self speaking, even if you don't want to hear it. Your life is better now. You don't hate your own reflection. You know love and sisterhood in this place. You know this is all you've ever wanted. CHORUS: Walk through the door. You know this is the end result of it all. Walk through the portal, now. People care and demons will not taunt you as they did before. You know this is all you've ever wanted. Life will never be easy, child. Life will never be easy, child. Live it by your own terms. They'll never understand your kind. Be the best and they'll feel your words. Just be in the moment. Focus on you and let the things that you deserve find their way. CHORUS: Walk through the door. You know that this is what you want. Walk through the portal, now. Although you're scared and the demons haunt you. You know this is all you've ever wanted so walk through the door.
6.
Passing Go 05:13
I stare at the screen. Realize you're never coming back to me. You're gone. This time for good. Just a self-centered little bastard with no stomach for the truth. I never wanted for this to be the end. Just trying to live my life, not trying to play pretend. Throw insults at me 'til the pain invades. You know I love you but I don't have time for your charades. Chorus 1: I have to go back to the start. It's the only way to keep myself from falling apart. Lay in bed each night and weep. Wonder what I did wrong. Maybe I won't wake up in the morning from this sleep. Such a simple thing for everyone. They know from where they begin how things are done. I feel so awkward in this skin. The taste, it hits my tongue. It's sweet and dry within. Watch as the magic world unfolds. I'm like a newborn babe. Everything glows in gold. Your absence tears a hole in me. I won't forget you, but I'm glad that I'm finally free. Chorus 2: I had to go back to the start. It was the only way to keep myself from falling apart. Lay in bed each night and dream. I did nothing wrong. I wake up in the morning next to my apathy. Bridge: It's as clear as a summer's day. I finally understand the why of who I am. This battlefield that is my heart and soul retains memories of wars that took place before. Both Chorus
7.
Spiral 07:32
(Around and around and...) I feel magic in my skin. This feeling melts me from within. My blood rushes inside my veins. I know my life is soon to change. Dreams of falling, of being chased, means that I will be erased, replicated every seven years. I accept oblivion with no fear. CHORUS: This is not the end. This is only the beginning. Losing all I am, gaining everything. Taste the blood. Smell the pain. What's dead will be ressurected again. Floating through this eternal coil. What makes me true will never spoil. Metamorphosis will never stop. I sink into the warmth and start spinning around and around and around... God is in immortal peril as nature's storms run rampant. The Goddess wants let out of this well to give the sun its replacement. Releases painful sunlight and bathes my body in the blood, only for me to be reborn emanating from the mud. CHORUS In love with a ghost that no longer exists. In this plane of being, memories persist Abandon all hope of a "normal" life, of being a husband to a wife. Delete yourself. Write your own script as suddenly the world has flipped. Now you're in the other field. Your flesh slowly begins to yield. CHORUS
8.
Venom 05:45
You played a little game with me. Only thought of yourself when you claimed to set me free. I've felt this guilt within my heart for so long. Now I know I'm right and that you were wrong. CHORUS: You showed me... You confused me... Your touch was just like venom. You told me they'd never believe me. This pain has lasted forever. I told you I didn't want you. You didn't hear me, did you? You told me that I was crazy. Your touch was just like... You took me places that I never wanted to go. Showed me things I wasn't ever meant to know. Destroyed my sense of security. Now there's so much hurt inside that no one else can see. CHORUS I never knew anybody else... I never hated anyone more... CHORUS (Now I know what has been done. You have blocked out all the sun. Now I sit and collect myself. Guess I know that I need help.) Your touch was just like... Oh-oo-oh-oo-oh...
9.
Lost 04:33
At some other time in my life I might have seen it coming. You played with my mind and made me feel like I didn't know what I was doing. When the winter chill came down I knew it all was lost. I gave you my heart and soul to keep; didn't care about the cost. CHORUS 1: I was so lost without you. I had no more trust to give away. Never thought you would betray me or think that I could hurt you that way. It's taken so long to work out the hell that you've put me through. I'm so much healthier, existing so much better than I knew could be true. When the winter chill comes down, I don't feel nearly as lost. Gave my heart and soul to a girl who doesn't take for granted the cost. CHORUS 2: I'm no longer lost without you. I found the trust to give away. I know she'll never betray me or think that I could hurt her that way. So, my pains are yours to keep; I've given all of mine away. Rarely spare a thought for you now 'coz I always look the other way. CHORUS 2
10.
Before I met you I thought I knew what love was. You swept me off my feet and I got lost in your eyes. The moon danced just for me as I healed from the past. While all isn't perfect with me, I hope this moment lasts. But love... What about love... So scared to trust someone again until you smiled at me... CHORUS: You were such a surprise to me, like a precious gift before these eyes. I've felt a new day dawning. It's changed my life. I know that you love me and I'll do the best I can to love you and be the best me that I am. After so much loss, you've given me back my life. Didn't just want to have a husband to be someone's wife. All that I need is to be loved; you've gave me more than I knew was possible. You gently pushed me so that I could be true. In time... Maybe in time... I'll learn to trust others again and heal from the pain... CHORUS 2x
11.
Repeat 03:59
CHORUS: You'll never find the answers you seek, if you keep on putting life on repeat. There's danger in complacency, and if you can't break out you'll never be free. You'll never find the answers you seek, if you keep on putting life on repeat. Reverse the way you think and see, and you'll be able to find out just who you could be. You say to you want to create change, yet everything just stays the same. I know you're doing what you can do. But if the folks find out they'll just have to lose. There is so much uncertainty and I know how it feels when you're in-between. You simply have to change the rules. Don't let them win no matter what you do. CHORUS It's not important to be their visions of you. Learn who you are and what you can do. We all have things to contribute, and this world's too small to deny the truth. Who do you see when you face yourself? Do you find it hard to put the bad on the shelf? You have to be honest with you. Harm none. Live life to please only you. CHORUS
12.
A whirling dervish of activity inside my head made me spin. I took a chance and walked away. Never really looked at where I began. Wondered where I was going and what could I be now that I had finally arrived. Every step was in front of me. It's a miracle that I survived. And now I'm... CHORUS: Reborn from the ashes of my pain. (Oooh) The world will never be that way again. (Oooh) I don't know where I'll be next following the path I follow. I'm reborn and living all the same. Suffering and pain never passed me by. I was broken-hearted. Forever asking the question why. It was as if seas were parted. Realize that I'm worth all the toys. Now I'm feeling comforted. If I just ignore all of the noise, my world will become what I wanted. CHORUS (2x) Reborn (7x)
13.
I walk towards the water, feel the wind caress my face. Smell the salt of the ocean. I can almost taste it. It seems like so long ago when my feet were placed right here. I'm surprised to find myself back again. Struggle with the tears. CHORUS: It's a singular notion to make some sense out of existence. All I needed was to be freed from all the petty questions. Time can heal most of your wounds. Determination does the rest. Inner peace has been a long time coming but it's finally here at last. CHORUS
14.
Don't Try 01:33
Don't try to stand in my way. Cuz I won't believe the empty words you say. You removed all the doubt. I can live without it. Don't try to stand in my way. Don't try to respond to this wire. Cuz I'm all too aware that you're a liar. Tempting as it may be Don't you try to toy with me. Don't try to respond to this wire. I will never be yours ever again. You've already caused me too much pain. I'm the captain of my own life. You have no power over me. I'm happier without your controlling ways. Don't try to stand in my way. Cuz I won't believe the empty words you say. You removed all the doubt. I can live without it. Don't try to stand in my way. Don't try to stand in my way. Don't try to stand in my way.

about

My first complete album of music in 12 years since "Wrapped In Music" came out back in my Katie Turner days. Screw writer's block! I'm not getting any younger and it's time to get these songs out of my head and out there in the wild.

This album is ostensibly about my journey the last 17 years since I came out as a transgender woman. I've had so much going on in my life in the intervening years that I could write about, but fighting inner demons has taken a toll on me and I've lost so much time. Here is a set of 13 new songs (and an intro track) I've created that represent many different types of music, mostly of the electronic variety. While these songs represent pieces of my own life, I figure a lot of people can relate to them for pieces of their own lives, too. I hope these songs speak to you as much as I was called to make them!

credits

released August 5, 2018

Written, produced and performed by Katie Benoit. Vocals recorded by Chris Swan at Soul Motivation Records @ www.soulmotivationrecords.com Additional guitar on Track 5 by Brian "Hex" Jin @ brianjin.bandcamp.com

license

all rights reserved

tags

about

Moderate Potatoe Multimedia St. Louis, Missouri

Music from the mind of Cadence Benoit. I create music in various styles & genres because I get bored easily. My primary focus is on electronic music. Although my older music is more pop, my newer music is leaning more in different directions.

Previously known as equals the RAVEN, Katie Turner, DJ Jynx, Starbelle & DJ K8T, I also write prose as Caitlyn Benoit.
... more

contact / help

Contact Moderate Potatoe Multimedia

Streaming and
Download help

Redeem code

Report this album or account

If you like Shattering The Silence, you may also like: